A new start of me.

So I'm coming across a time in my life where I need to think about myself just as much as my family. I've always put Daniel and Wyatt first but I now realize that there cannot be a healthy family without individual health for each member. It's hard to decide what defines health but I know that for me, it would be the basic individual needs: physical, mental, spiritual, financial, etc. So how do I become healthy? I guess that's my mission here. So from this point forward I plan to work on my own health as well as the health of my family. Here's my plan:

Starting tomorrow I will begin a exercise and healthy eating program that will enable me to lose 80 pounds. This will help my physical healthy as well as my mental health. I am in control of what and how much I eat and I need to exercise that control. As far as mental health, I will begin to build confidence and remember that the past is the past and that I alone can make my future much brighter. From a spiritual stand point I will begin doing my daily devotions again. And from a financial stand point, I'm going to stop worrying about money and just do what needs to be done. It sounds easy but I know it isn't going to be.

Also pertaining to mental and spiritual health, I believe Daniel and I have decided to move sometime in the next year. Cross your fingers that we find the right place! :D

Honoring my Husband

Though Daniel and I are not technically married, we live as husband and wife. He calls me his wife and I call him my husband. Because I live my life as if he is my husband, I should also honor him as if he is my husband. I have not done this and have hurt him.

A wife should not speak to her husband critically or in front of others in a condescending tone. I have a problem not criticizing Daniel. He is an amazing man, but instead of telling him what I appreciate about him, I tell him what I do not appreciate about him.

I have also not honored him with affection. I'm not talking about sex, although that is a part. I'm referring to the day to day happenings such as hugs, kisses, words, actions.

A wife should honor her husband in all ways. God even had it put in the Bible:

1 Peter 3:1-6 "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands"

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. "

Proverbs 21:19 "It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman."

1 Timothy 2:9-15 "Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve"

And So a Blog Begins:

I'm not sure what exactly has prompted me to start this blog. Maybe it's the recent life changing events that have happened in my life. Maybe it's the fact that I thought I was happy just two weeks ago and now I am miserable. Maybe it's that I sometimes feel like a huge failure as a mom and a wife... Maybe it's a mixture of all of those things. I need an outlet, and so here it is. Hopefully someone can learn from my experiences. If not, at least I got it figured out for myself and written down.

I guess I should start by saying that today I am "ok". It's not a good day or a bad day. It's just a day. Yesterday was a bad day and I'm determined to make tomorrow a good day.

I'm dealing with the relationship issues that have become present in my life during the past two weeks. I'm having a hard time coping with what has happened, but I know I will live. These issues have left me broken, depressed, and down right self loathing. I wish I was someone different, skinny and pretty with nice muscle tone and the ability to be everything my man wants out of me. Does any woman get that? I don't know but I'm certainly on the quest.

I'm trying to find a job. Money is so tight and I just can't imagine it getting worse right now. I'm pretending that everything is going to be okay but in my head I'm panicked. We're bordering homelessness and it's getting cold out. I don't really know what to do at this point except panic. But I'm not going to let my family see it.

I'm dealing with my own personal demons that I've brought upon myself and I'm working on a whole lot of self improvement. I'm intending to lose 80 pounds.

So I guess this is a blog for me to just unwind.